Confronting Sky-High Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome affects almost every senior leader at some point in their career. Those who never suffer from it have colleagues who wish they did.
It is perfectly normal, and if you can tolerate the occasional wobble you will be fine.
But what happens if ‘imposter syndrome’ barely begins to describe it?
How do you cope if those pangs of doubt become lead weights and take over your day to day existence?
The truth is some parts of the job do not get easier over time. That is not something to tell someone new in post who, perhaps for the first time in their life, thinks they may fail and fail big.
Even for the more experienced, a crisis can descend out of nowhere and lead to the most difficult year of your working life. They thought they had seen it all, only to feel like an out of their depth rookie again.
So when your levels of imposter syndrome are sky-high how do you combat it and get back to the other side.
Here are four ‘how tos’ to consider.
1. Acknowledge the emotions
First things first, don’t kid yourself.
If you have been waking up in the small hours, snacking all day and leaving an eighteen hour day with more to do at the end than you had at the start, you have a problem.
I once worked with someone who went away in the summer and spent the first week protesting to her sister that there was nothing wrong with her, despite all the stress and panic she was exhibiting. It took ten days for her to acknowledge her feelings, then eventually accept them.
The emotions generated when your levels of imposter syndrome are sky-high can be incredibly strong. Humiliation is one of them, made worse by the fact that the stadium is looking at you because senior leadership jobs are done in public. It can all escalate very quickly as even moving from venue to venue can feel torturous with eyes boring into your skull.
Another one is shame, because you thought you could do the job and worked for years to climb the ladder.
The celebrations which followed your appointment can now feel meaningless and wasteful. There is a big difference between ‘what did I think I was doing?’ and ‘who did I think I was to apply?’ You can feel that you have led both yourselves and others down the path.
These emotions are natural responses, and there is a very long history of others feeling the same. Your capabilities remain the same as when you got the job, even if they are harder to find at the moment.
When you suppress or deny your emotional state you prolong the negative impact. The very least you can do for yourself is acknowledge your current state. Even better if you can express it to someone you really trust.
Then the conversation needs to go one step further.
2. Seek feedback
If there is ever a time when you should want feedback from others it is now.
When you stop pretending that you feel fine you discover some others suspected the same long ago.
Actively seeking feedback from at least two trusted sources, one within and one outside the organisation, can provide valuable insights.
This feedback can help identify blind spots or biases that may have contributed to your current situation. I recommend you ask questions about those areas specifically, as it will make it easier for others to comment and give you examples.
Find out where you ‘lost a room’, any comments which had unintended consequences and the important messages sent to you which did not receive a reply.
After you start the process you ask for full disclosure. Demonstrating you have an open mind and want to learn is important, not least for the message it sends. You have bottomed out, are in a reflective mode and ready to grow again.
Recognising that constructive feedback, even if it is hard to listen to, can be a powerful tool for growth and development will take you a long way. You might find feedback coming from unexpected areas.
There will come a point where you will need to draw the line, stop the apologies and decide to start moving forward again. Inviting feedback is one thing but open season needs to be time-limited.
3. Broaden the team around you
When you find yourself in a difficult spot, you should treat it as an opportunity to broaden the team around you.
This is not just about dealing with the situation at hand, it is about ensuring you know who to contact if it happens again.
Curate the team around you now because the chances are you will need them again in the future.
I am not referring to increasing the number of people on the payroll, or restructuring a leadership team. I mean those who you reach out to when you want help or advice.
These can include
Mentors - connecting with experienced leaders who have faced similar challenges and overcome significant failures can provide invaluable guidance and support. Mentors can offer encouragement and inspiration, reminding individuals of their potential for growth and resilience. Building a network of supportive mentors can be a powerful resource throughout one's leadership journey. You may not be in touch with them for months or even years at a time, but it helps a great deal to know they will pick up when you call. A single mentor is probably not enough, aim for two to four.
Leadership coach - not a surprise that I would say this, but I also know the value of it from my own experience. A trained professional who can cut through the detail swimming around your head, bring the focus to a couple of areas and just get you moving in the right direction makes a world of difference. Even if your levels of confidence move from 1/10 to 2/10, it might still be low but it has still doubled. You may not need much of a positive shift to feel you have momentum.
Counsellor - when the emotions are sufficiently intense that your mental health and emotional well-being is at risk you need a specialist. A safe and confidential space can help you take the edge off the worst of it.
Significant others, trusted friends and family - they can all be very helpful but I would be wary of asking them to carry out the role of the people above. It's also important to remember that seeking professional support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Personal support from those you see regularly can make a big difference, particularly those who will expect you not to save your thoughts and feelings for professionals.
4. Redefine success
You do not need to lower your expectations but reevaluating the definition of success can be a powerful exercise in the face of failure. In ten years’ time it is unlikely to matter that you had to start something again, or that it took you two years to achieve what you thought would take six months.
Failure in one area does not preclude success in others, and redefining success can open up new possibilities. You might find that your perspective on work shifts a little, as might your priorities in life.
Rebuilding confidence you had always taken for granted is a significant success in itself. When you have small wins, notice and celebrate them. Find those opportunities where you can use your strengths and expertise and remind others, and yourself, of the value you add.
Be patient and kind to yourself as you do this. Your original level of confidence was not built in a straight line, and the same applies to the restoration.
Finally, remember that many who sink do not even try to recover. They get locked in a cycle that they feel they cannot control and just want to escape via the shortest possible route. Recovery takes guts, resilience, humility and patience but most of all it needs you to hold on to the idea that it is possible.
Remember that
When you acknowledge you have a problem, and commit to turning it around, you will have greater levels of support from more people than you might ever imagine.
The experience of recovering from bottoming out will not only be formative for you, but also invaluable for others in the future. When the moment is right, share your story.
How can I help you?
1. One to one coaching programmes for senior leaders who are swamped by their jobs so they can thrive in life. Click here to discover where you are on your journey from Frantic to Fulfilled? Just 5 minutes of your time and you will receive a full personalised report with guidance on your next steps!
2. Team coaching programmes - working IN a team is not the same as working AS a team and yet they are often treated as if they are the same. I help teams move from the former to the latter, and generate huge shifts in productivity and outcomes.
3. Talks, workshops and seminars - including topics relevant to the two areas above plus explaining Gen Z to Gen X.
